Hey! Not nice… Now that you watched that TikTok, let’s get it started.
The Main Tea
This is the section where I tell you the big thing(s) on the Internet that are intriguing me.
Bones or No Bones?
This is the question that has captured the Internet over the last week — is it a bones day, or a no bones day? Do we have to go to work, or can we lay around and binge Netflix all day?
Our fates lie in the hands of 13-year-old Noodle the Pug.
Let me explain.
This is Noodle and Noodle’s owner. For the last couple weeks, Noodle’s owner has been checking in almost every morning, letting us know if it’s a bones or no bones day for Noodle. We got fascinated — Will Noodle walk today? Will Noodle slump back down into bed?
Then, we started internalizing the Bones or No Bones daily prediction. It became our horoscope. No Bones days are bad days, days you would’ve been better off staying in bed. Bones days are great, you’re thriving.
There is now an entire offshoot of TikTok dedicated to Bones or No Bones videos, including original songs, which is probably too much, but I guess the Internet needed a new very old dog to get over-invested in, so I’m here for it.
SwiftieTok
SwiftieTok is a very real thing, and they’re only gaining power as we get closer to Taylor Swift’s release of her version of RED on November 19th (a month away!!!!). The Swifties came for Jake Gyllenhaal first, then for Joe Jonas, but the JoBros swiftly hopped on the amusement of Swifties looking for clues, incorporating Taylor-style glitches in their TikToks and dropping (potential?) hints. They’ve been seeking out any and all theories, easter eggs, and more, for hints of when new singles and videos will drop. They’ve even made drinking games for the new album.
SwiftieTok is the more organized fandom I’ve seen online, sourcing and building new trends as a community. Their biggest is the monthly recap trend that uses Taylor song — August was the song August, obviously, September was Taylor’s cover of September by Earth, Wind & Fire, and October was agreed upon to be The Best Day1. Can’t wait to see it.
Hot Take of The Week
This is the section where I talk about my opinions, but even more than in the rest of the newsletter.
My hot take is that no one should ever make fun of anything. Criticize it, intellectually? Sure. But mock things? Nah.
Here’s why: Mockery happens when people look down on other things — usually things that people enjoy. Why do we do that? I genuinely believe that we’re trained in society to want to be better, or have the upper hand, and that plays out as people mocking or making fun of things that give other people joy in order to feel holier than thou.
As long as what other people like is respectful of other people’s humanity and isn’t hurting anyone, let them live.
(This is true of Internet memes, music, and even calling things cheugy bc tbh who cares, wear and do whatever tf you want, it’s your life and everyone should let you live it.)
People Who Are Dating, Who They Are, Why It Matters (Or Doesn’t), + If I Think It’s Real or PR
This is the section that explains itself super clearly in the title.
The Kourtney Kardashian + Travis Barker / Megan Fox + Machine Gun Kelly Complex
There are not enough words, besides that the reason this newsletter is late today is because LAST NIGHT KOURTNEY AND TRAVIS GOT ENGAGED! They were wearing their pop punk peak looks and it was great and Tumblr and beautiful.
The two couples are very iconic at the current moment, and most of the individuals have been iconic for a while (save for MGK, sorry my dude).
To me, these relationships show a couple things — 1) Male musicians always get girls way hotter than them, and 2) As long as you seem happy and are already weird, people will accept literally any level of weird behavior from you.
Also, please remember that MGK’s real name is Coulson, which just makes me think of Marvel Nerds.
I have no other opinions on this, I’m happy for these semi-old, hot, weird people.
Trendy Toks
This is the section where I tell you about trends or sounds or whatever I want related to TikTok.
OH NO! OUR TABLE! IT’S BROKEN! This is the new Berries & Cream2, a perfect sound that fits into mashups and remixes and makes you straight up giggle every time you hear it. It’s perfect.
Premium Air! This trend has been going around for a week or so, and boyfriends/girlfriends/friends alike are pranking their significant others by playing dumb and saying they paid obscene amounts of money at the mechanic for “Premium Air” in their tires. It gives me joy because you can see the combination of frustration and pity and confusion in every person who gets pranked’s face as they process the concept of Premium Air.
TonTon Talk! This is an oldy but goody. This wonderful man makes videos pretending to be talking to his uncle, who explains a plotline of a movie while the kid insists it is X Movie he is talking about… Until the end, where there is an inevitable twist, exposing that ~maybe all movies have the same exact plots~? Anyway, it’s very funny.
A Thing I’m Personally Super Pumped About + Why
This is the section where I blab about something that gives me joy and energy rn.
Honestly, just gonna hype myself for a moment and say that I’m speaking at Advertising Week on Wednesday about Gen Z, and it’s pretty cool even though I get embarrassed to talk about it. So that’s fun!
Exposing Myself Just a Little Bit
This is the section where I give you one tiny glance into my For You Page, which exposes me and the depths of my personality just a little too much.
The side of TikTok I was on this week? Mental Illness Rave-Tok!
Before we go, one more ask for you — comment people whose names you’ve heard but have no context for who they are, what they do, or who they’re connected to… I’ll fill in the deets for you in a later newsletter.
THANKS FOR READING! And remember, there is literally no reason to follow anything Barstool, ever. Just don’t.
Hasta la pasta,
Emma
^ Use this button to give your friends and fam my expert internet opinion too. You know they need it.
I can’t find the TikTok where this was agreed upon anymore. Still learning how to save things.
Berries & Cream was an important time on the Internet a couple weeks back. It came from this old Starburst ad, and blew up. Here’s an explainer bc I don’t feel like it.